Le pHotOgrAphiE deLLa miA tEsSa & figLi;)

today was a gOoD dAy! i finally got my sAmRtpHoNe (i mean sMaRtpHoNe) linked with my sTupiDLapTop (i mean nOn-sMaRtLapTop) and was able to transfer the bizillion photos . . . today will be happy pHoTo bLog day:)

tessa's seminary graduation & the whole fam damily . . . minus granderson dana's husband, our camera shy photographer: granderson ralph

as if high school graduation wasn't enough for our over-achiever (i don't know wHeRe that trait came from!), tess had to complicate things by rEaLLy attending seminary (instead of skipping) and aCtuaLLy graduating! she never had to attend what i affectionately call "real seminary" (aka: eArLy mOrniNg sEmiNaRy) but she resisted the urge to skip her release time seminary class . . . most of the times. her teacher insisted all the stupids (i meant students) call him 'dirt bag', which they willing did . . . i think she acutally learned a few scriptural references as well . . . .

tessa's high school graduation held at south town expo center & lasted 3+ hours!

isn't she sSsSsSsSsSoOoOoOoOoOoOoO cCcCcCcuUuUuUuTtTtTtTeEeEe!

after 18+ years of her reminding me she nEeDeD to attend school everyday (she played "school" since the day she came out of the womb), she graduated from high school and decided to continue her schooling by attending a higher learning institution . . . . little did mom know that Tessa would choose to further her educational pursuits at mama's LeAsT favorite unversity: the eViL BYU "Live Life in a Bubble" blue cougars:( . . . . while she cheers for the arrogant BYU (don't exist in our reality) she retains her tRuE color: rEd (like oxygen rich living blood). . . . she must keep her tRuE identity a secret or lose her higher learning privileges . . . .

i guess we should have done this first . . . but i'm backwards so dEaL with it!

& then there was the pRoM . . . . . .

tess was sMaRt . . (yes, she is tOo sMaRt for her own gOoD as well as everyone else's) . . . she dated ryan (not the boy in this photo) most of her junior year and his (ryan's) senior year . . . after the on & off (more off than on:) boyfriend/girlfriend thing throughout the summer, tess decided to test out the "vanilla theory" in dating. ryan was at a local jr. college & enjoying dating "college girls" & tess didn't sit home for aNyThiNg!!! i don't think she realizes how beautiful, fun & intelligent she rEaLLy is! she was asked eArLy to prom by this boy (there were sO mAny i honestly can't remember his name!) & had a fun filled sTrEsSfReE evening ( i think the photo says it aLL . . . . . . . . . . & then there was adam, or as he says "A - DAM HUNT" (& his middle name IS "gOoD";)

adam, 16 in january & wanting to date by may, asked this sweet girl (again, i can't remember her name . . . he gets texts, calls & drive-bys at all hours of the day & night by mAny, MaNy, mAny . . . . as levi says "stupid girlfriends" . . . girls!) adam: no job, no money, no license, no car, no tux, no plans, no problem! he asks this girl to the prom the dAy Of tHe pRoM (liek, he asked her after lunch), borrows the $50 bucks for tickets from a friend (don't know if he has paid this friend back . . . yet!) begs for $50 bucks from mama by batting his blue eyes at her . . . & talks this girl into having her pArEnTs drive them to the resturant & the dance as well as bring them home. . . . (he should write a book on dating ettiqute;) yes, that is west in the background, shaking his head in disbelief . . . . he never had such luck in dating:( adam IS a gOoD bOy & he IS quite a cHaRmeR!

young womens' "mOdEsT" fashion show . . . . .

the young women decided to have a fashion show to pRoVe that being modest was eAsy, fAshiOnabLe & aFfoRdabLe . . . 1/2 the girls wore what they usually wore on sunday while the other 1/2 were chosen to wear a dress that was "bOrRoWed" from a local shop for the "show" . . . (i think the leaders misunderstood the meaning of "aFfoRdabLe") . . . tessa's dress was "bOrRoWed" while katie's is her uSuaL sunday attire. i rEaLLy liek this photo because it has 2 of my 3 girls & because you can see katie's pretty eyes . . . this is pRe heavy eyeliner days;) she still favors black! mama mia!

katie's customized body tattooing


ok, so k8e, or kt, or kAtiE, however she decides to spell her name (all mood & day dependent) LiEks to draw on herself! one day she came home with red pen from her fingertips to her shoulder. it looked liek her hand & arm had been mummified: vEry iMprEsSivE! one day the tips of her hair were red (i called the mother of the girls, the girls were twins, who gave kate red 'highlights' & requested they not be so generous with their creative talents anymore;) this day she was rainbow stripes. she usually cathces aLoT of flak from tess & adam . . . i silence her older siblings & remind kate that if i cAn'T have a tattoo, neither can she! (& that the prophet says we shouldn't draw on our bodies) these days she is down to black hearts & stars mostly on her feet & hands. katie IS a gOoD girl & very eXprEssiVe:)

katie's & abbie's unique fashion expressions

a photo is worth a 1,000 words & i think this one says it all. katie favors the 80's & i have nO iDeA where abs picked up her hair accessory! i'm glad they didn't try combinding their two favorite activities (liek they have in the past): reading a book & bicycle riding. they are gObS & GoBs of fun:)

Le lezione importante per la famglia

this weekend west & i LeArnEd the meaning of "mAndAtOry" (or dEmAndAtOry") . . . . .

this weekend, the family had actually planned to go to the "armpit of the world" buhl, idaho to visit my parents & attend the open house of the newly built twin falls temple. we were all actually excited to go, something i haven't always been able to admit to in the past.

as things do, they quickly degraded from bAd to iMpoSsibLe in a matter of hours! levi had football practice from 6pm - 8pm friday night (something that could be taken as opTioNaL), a "mothers' meeting" at 8pm (again, opTiOnaL, to discuss volunteering for the various waterballon, half-time poster & after game snack committees) & 9:15pm mAndAtoRy weigh-ins for his upcoming first game on the 30th. (mAndAtoRy, for those of ya'all that don't know what that means, is the equivelant of still practicing but nOt playing in any of the games . . . & after making the small investment in mAndAtoRy fees ($210) to play football, we decided levi should attend his mAnDaTory weigh-in on friday night & fore-go the trip to idaho.) west & i mistakenly thought we would have time to squeeze a "friday night date night" dinner in while k8e was at work, levi was at practice & adam was at his scrimmage. the minute we sat down to eat (7:10pm) levi called on a borrowed cell phone inquiring where i was & requesting his shorts (which he fOrgOt to take with him to practice even though i reminded him a bizzillion times during the day) he needed for his weigh-ins. miraclously, levi's practice ended early, his weigh-ins occurred earlier & the mothers' meeting was, of course, still held at 8:15pm. . . . . while i was busy making sure levi had his shirt & shorts for his mAndAtoRy weigh-ins & was faithfully waiting for the rEquiReD "mothers' meeting" (which turned out to be a bunch of, well, nonsense) west & abbie (who had planned to have a slumber party with a friend - abbie had the plans, not west-, but had to cancel since we weren't at home), finished eating the food we (west & i & abbie) had ordered for the "friday night date night" dinner west& i had planned, and then went & picked up k8e, who i had dropped off 3 hours earlier at sugarhouse park (45 minutes from our house) from her "event" she had worked at that evening. after the senseless "mothers' meeting", levi & i swung by riverton high school football field to pick adam up from his mAndAtOry scrimmage for the varsity & jv teams & decided to participate (consume the hamburgers & hotdogs & fruit salads & chips & cookies) in the family bbq that had been scheduled as an incentive after the scrimmage (liek feeding us will be the SoLe determining factor in whether we attended or not . . . ok, so they were right) . . . meanwhile, tessa, who obediently "rto-ed" work off from the theatre to be able to go to idaho for the weekend, decided to pick up an extra shift & make some extra buckos when she figured out that the trip to idaho wasn't happening & each individual family member had individual "mAndAtoRy" & "rEquiReD" plans. she was key in dropping adam off at 5pm for his scrimmage before she went to work from 5pm- 12midnight, while west was driving home from work to help levi get "nebulized" (his asthma has gotten to the point where he is now taking meds to manage it) to his 6pm practice & i dropped k8e off at sugarhouse park at 4:45pm for her work. . . cOmMuTiNg is nOt fUn & is VeRy eXpEnsiVe bOys & GirLs!!!! . . . . . well, west & abs & k8e made it home about 9:30pm while levi & adam & i made it home about 9:45pm. "friday night date night" was nOt . . . . :( then there was saturday . . . .

levi had a "rEqUirEd" practice in bluffdale (30-40 mins south of our home) from 8am -9am with a "mAndAtOry" scrimmage from 9am-11am. "mAnDatOry" in this case means, show-up & play or LoSe your starting position (levi is starting at defensive tackle). . . . adam was told he had a "mAndAtOry" film meeting saturday morning at the high school at 9am: "mAndAtOry" in this case means aTtEnD or be kiCkEd oFF the team . . . mama has a "mAnDaToRy" gym class every saturday from 8am-9am. "mAndAtoRy" in this case means let mama go to the gym to exercise or someone gets eaten! . . . saturday was trying to be true to the theme of the weekend (aka: west & tasha get screwed out of any time together), but west & tasha had other plans . . . . mama didn't make her gym class but was successful at talking (ok, maybe a little bit of bribing) levi out of participating in his "scrimmage" & tess was sweet enough to step up & drive adam to the high school . . . west & i decided to make a few "mAndAtOry" & "dEmAnDaTory" plans of our own: we told the kids that we had a "mAndAtOry" bike (motorcycles) ride scheduled immediately & every family member needed to "sacrafice". at this point, k8e offered to babysit & adam volunteered to entertain levi while we left. (who says demands don't work!?)

other things west & i learned this weekend:

1) manufacturing 2 stroke motorcycles is now illegal in utah

2) don't ride your motorcycle sideways in the shallow river, you might fall over

3) the way you hold a cookie in your hand makes your hand look either bigger or smaller

4) having a family is aLoT of work but rEaLLy gOoD when eVeRyoNe steps-up & helps:)

che buffo!

my life has felt aLoT liek the photo this week . . . ok, the last several weeks . . . . but i am happy to report that the polar bear has nOt eaten any of us!

levi & adam have had football . . . morning, noon & night . . . LiteRaLLy! adam has had practices from 7:30am - 1pm & levi's practices have been from 6pm - 8pm both mOndAy tHruOugH fRidAy!!! adam has a "required scrimmage" tomorrow & levi's first "game" is on the 30th afterwhich practices will be after school for a "few hours" for adam 4 days of the week w/ 1 game/ week & levi's practices will be 3 evenings/week w 1 game eVeRy saturday:( why is organized violence sSsSsOoOoOoOo eNteRtAiNing?! levi took a helmet to his left elbow last night in practice & his asthma is giving him problems . . . . but there IS a solution: drugs in the form on an inhaler:) (praise alla!)

my hOrRibLe business commercial law class ended & i was rEaLLy happy to see my grade posted on-line as an 'A-' . . . uNtiL i got my final paper back & saw the mEaNy professor had rEaLLy given me an 'A' but posted the wRoNg gRaDe on-line:( i'm in the process of making him change it . . . he isn't returning my emails, but he can't ignore me forever . . . . i kNoW where his office IS & i kNoW which department he teaches in!!!!

the family had planned to attended the open house of the new Twin Falls Temple, about 30 miles east of where my parents live in the "armpit of the world town" called bUhL, iDaHo . . . but fOoTbaLL & gReEd got in the way:( levi has practice, yes, friday night from 6pm - 8pm with a "mother's meeting" at 8:15pm & "official weigh-ins" that if you miss you can't play in the first game of the season on august 30th at 9:15pm on friday night! (who schedules this stuff anyway! a bunch of wEirDo uTahNs) adam has his "must be there or can't play in the first unofficial game next friday" scrimmage on friday night . . . so k8e decided to cash in on the situation & make a few buckaroos of her own by requesting to work friday evening/night & saturday day . . . eyee, yiee, yiaaaa . . . and tess was the oNLy one who made sure she got both friday & saturday off to go . . . . . mama mia! . . . . . and we made sure the air conditioning in the van was fixed for the trip, too! (which i rEaLLy appReciAtE, especially when i'm driving home from work at 6pm at night:)

our family goal: do oNe bRaVe thing & . . . well, you kNoW the rest;)

La festa come RoCksTar;)

buddy veg weekend is quickly coming to a close . . . i am happy to report that there were no survivors;) sprinklers were ignored, weeds were left to grow wild & the house was forced to fend for itself!

west & i learned that just because a restaurant is cRaZy bUsy & cOmpLeteLy pAcKed doesn't mean that one mUsT wait for service. . . . .being a superhero has its advantages;) Cafe' Rio, Friday night, wall to wall hUnGry utahns with chemically altered hair, and only 45 minutes to order, eat, drive to the theatre (10 minutes away) & make it to our movie pick for our Friday night DaTe! we had previously picked up the movie tickets because twice before, our attempts to view this movie had been tHwArTeD! time was of the essence, a natural resource we couldn't waste & weren't allowed to purchase more of . . . some evil fiend was aGaiN trying to throw a monkey wrench in our fRiDayNigHt dAtepLaNs:( (dunt, dunt, dun. . . the plot thickens & the suspensful music esculates) . . .(what EVER will they do? calgon, take them away!) liek a tRuE superhero, west quickly and bRiLLantLy assessed the situation devising a pErfEcT fuLLpRoOf pLaN for us to jump ahead of the 50+ fake blondes & jock wanna-bes preventing us from reaching our goal: the front of the line! we walked outside, communicator & dialing device in hand, made our wants and wishes kNoWn & had our order in hand in 10 minutes! . . . . evil villans will have to quit using sSsSoOoOoOo much dye in their hair in order to keep up with us mentally . . . . . . oh, & the movie was pretty gOoD tOo!

saturday was discouraging . . . trying to purchase a pair of magic boots of escaping in preparation for our buddy veg rOaDtRip in 2 weeks. i've noticed i pick up a few bruises on my legs & feet every time we ride (call me the 'human banana': my superpowers are inflicting bruises on myself. . . i missed the course on inflicting bruises on others) we learned some sports are bLanTanLy discriminatory towards specific genders (wOmEn) . . . clinging to the archaic belief that men & women can wear the sAmE bOoT that was specially designed for a mans' phat foot (an idea that came from a mans' fat head!) west, once again showing his tRuE superhero character, bought me a pair of pink goggles. . . (my HeRo, heavy sigh:)

saturday night: west & i have a friend, Andy, that lieks to share drinks with us. it all started one new year's eve when he & a bunch of married couples started making new years' resolutions to aLwAyS "share a drink with Andy". he was the only single guy there as i recall & everyone wanted to make him feel, well, welcomed & not single! well, Andy found Jalizebeth & their wedding reception was at the top of Noah's (i am nOt making up the name of this reception hall. . . ask west) the flood rains started (i'm nOt making that up either!) but the air conditioning in the van was fixed! we traveled through the pounding rain and relentless wind & once we arrived, we climbed the hidden cement staircase as the flood waters rose. once "on deck", (the top had a partially opened ceiling) we congratulated Andy & Jalizebeth and found many families huddling around tables two by two (ha, ha) wild children were running free & the ice cream was melting in all the rain . . . west & i decided we needed rEaL superhero food (brain food: protein) & left for RuBy RiVeR . . .

all the hitchin' peanut posts were takin' & the peanut shells were left on the floor! (as if a bucket full of peanuts every customer shoves their hands into for a 'bite' was appetizin' to me!) if i didn't kNoW that Ruby River had the bEsT cinnamon yams & steak in Utah, i would have left from the filthy conditions they presented in their waiting area. after rustlin' up some grub & vittles that hadn't been handled by every customer in the place, we stopped by the washburns' homestead for a night cap. actually, they called & invited us over. . . we discussed the ways we could further save the town & the world from its own growing ignorance & the greed of corporate America outsourced to foreign lands. we learned that 'profit taking' is when gas stations first price their gas LoWeR than the national average & then raise their prices hiHgEr than the national average in order to "break even" (we didn't buy it either!) . . brooks decided flipping the 'birdie' at the flying J was a gOoD start at reclaiming americans' intelligence;)

sunday: meetings were LoNg & boring & attendance was down. kids were forced back into town about 4:30pm ( i think their step-mom had hAd eNougH despite her claims to the opposite . . . yes, there IS a sToRy there, but not for this bLoGg!) they were hungrier than a teradactyal after a fast. . . . Levi got stung when he & Adam ventured out to the abandoned swingset. i don't think they'll be going out there again any time soon.tess had to work.

being a superhero is tOugH . . i mean t-O-p-H!

La casa noi

for years now, the neighborhood has had "the unspoken but well understood" contest to see which house had the most gEtTo- rEdNeCk, iNtenSiOnaLLy nEgLecTed yard . . . and for years, we were cLoSe to winning this dReAdeD & uNcoVetEd TitLe, but were aLwAyS saved from the first place position by the two continually abandonded homes. . . one home has gone through 3 owners, the other 4, and one of the homes has been vAcAnT since west & i married almost 4 years ago. . . . we always felt pretty confident that we would nEveR be unanimously & quitely chosen as the gEtTo-rEdNeCk, iNtenSiOnaLLy nEgLecTed yard. . . and then the banks, or whomever is nOt making a profit on these two abandoned homes, thought they could intice some buyers to actually sTay in the house IF they put in sprinklers, sod, got rid of the weeds, put up nice fences, and LaNdsCapEd the yard! rEaLLy, the selfish thoughtlessness of these people . . . did they even rEaLizE what they were doing in terms of the tight competition for this gRoSsLy uNcoVetEd but nEceSsAry award within the neighborhood?! well . . . west & i bEcAme mOtiVatEd with a LaRge cApiTaL "M" . . . sprinklers are aLmoSt done, recovering the lawn from the morning glory and weeds . . . well, that will take a little longer. we'll keep ya'all posted;)

non la normalita . . o forse, e la normalita per me!?

life has been eXtRaOrDinAriLry cRaZy . . . i don't know wHy i keep expecting my life to not be cRaZy with five kids, an ex, an ex's wife, an ex's wife's two kids, a mortgage, a part-time job, a husband working two jobs, and an unfinished bachelor's degree. . .
first Eldredge family reunion in gobs & gobs of years was this weekend and the family made it through with only a few insults and offended sensabilities:) one of my cousin's boys was rEaLLy enjoyed seranading everyone with the microphone and his "original" music. i was amazed that his simple tune and cLeVeR lyrics "watermelon is juicy.....watermelon is sticky . . . ya, ya, ya. . . du na naw na. . . doot, a na new" didn't grate on my nerves like so many of my childrens' "original" music and lyrics have in the past. maybe i've fiNaLLy growd-up?! unfortunately, most of the humorless adult Eldredge crew became annoyed and irritated and repeatedly vocalized their disapproval of his creativity by demanding he sing what they told him to sing (OnLy primary songs) or to simply put the microphone down and walk away so they could "socialize". i don't understand their reaction as when family members were earlier in the day trying to share the family history and stories, these same individuals either put their heads on the table to take a nap or simply kept sharing with their neighbors without whispering:( west & i taught my cousin's boy some new lyrics "all aboard!" and "99 red balloons" to incorporate into his catchy tune and increase the length of his song. we also drew chalk outlines of our feet and learned that sidewalk chalk can be used for drawing mustaches and beards on faces and coloring on toenails like polish . . . it doesn't wipe off very well either.
one of my aunts gave me homework, demanding i fill out aNoThEr family geneology sheet right there on the stop (yUcKy) & then became "offended" by my "iNmAtuRiTy" when i was giggling while filing out the form . . . she took her coveted family photos and snatched my family geneological sheet swiftly out of my hand and relocated with the rest of the humorless herd in the back of the pavillion . . . as my german grandmother Eldredge would say, "humph! sOmE pEopLe!" of all the family traits and characteristics to pass down through the generations . . .
i also offended another one of my cousins when i was told i wouldn't be in the large group family photo and i cheered rEaLLy LoUd . . . she mule kicked me & gave me a nasty look . . . i hadn't seen or felt that move used since 2nd grade . . . i should have known it was coming and dodged to get out of the way . . . . education & age have made me sLoW and sTupiD! . . . . it was at this point west & i decided to hold our own family reunion and runaway to watch a movie. we felt bad leaving my mom who liked the chalk, hotwheels car, and karaoke games west & i & my cousin's son were playing, but she didn't want to come. she said she couldn't leave dad, although i don't think dad would have noticed she was gone because he was having a gReAt hAy dAy making the rounds talking & lecturing & giving "aDviCe" to every single family member who didn't know better to run away . . . . . .
my levi turned 10 yesterday and had "the BeSt" birthday . . . it was hard trying to figure out what to buy him when he requested duct tape, plastic cutlery, lunch meat and books. . . sure he ToLd us what he wAnTeD, but those items seemed like such a rip off, ya know? like we didn't get him a rEaL birthday present! i guess he didn't feel a need to ask for an electronic game because he plays mama's wii until the batteries go out and he didn't feel a need to ask for any kind of "pLay" weapon as he prefers to make his own weapons of war. among his favorites are the coat hanger bow and arrow he aLmOsT put his sister abbie's eye out with and the toe stuffed long red soccer socks he swings above his head like a ball and chain and launches at anyone crossing his path (eXcEpT mama . . . she takes it aWaY!) once when he was in primary, he got bored and took off his socks, stuffed one into the other and began swinging them around his head scouting for an appropriate target to unleash his fericious weapon upon when he hit the kid next to him in the head (the primary president's son) and was kicked out of primary for awhile. (sigh) why should i expect him to be nOrMaL when his own mother can't be classified as such:)

ho sbagliato oggi & tempo & tutti

the 4th was filled w/ working children, classic american food, children throwing temper tantrums, and NO fireworks! adam & k8e worked an event at west jordan park so, of course, it made sense to gather the family together at the west jordan park to watch the fireworks together. what we didn't know was that the rodeo (located a few stone throws away from the park) determines when the firework show begins. that night, they decided to be eXtRa LoUd, obNoXioUs & LaTe:( we left at 10:40pm, the rodeo, which was suppose to end at 10:20pm so the fireworks could being at 10:30pm, ended at 10:50pm and the fireworks started at roughly 11:00pm. needless to say all were disappointed & cranky.
tessa's car or "baby" as she lieks to call it, just to upset mama, is still on the blocks in front of the house. the clutch went out and since she had locked the clutch in 1st, west didn't feel like trying to push and pull and move the car to get it over to the cRaNky mechanic's garage to work on it. west figured he could "pAy iT fOrWaRd" and do the work himself and save tess a few bucks. . . it seemed like a good idea at the time . . . but, after 5 days, the car is still blocking the mailbox & we are still getting nasty, "don't park your car in front of the mailbox" notes from the cRanKy mailman, even after west explained & apologized for the situation.
cRaNky mechanic scott came over & helped west pull the transmission . . . (just to let you know, that means we are, as scott put it, "officially white trash") one of our neighbors came over & told west, "I didn't know you were a mechanic" . . . what else could he say but the truth, "I'm not a mechanic. I'm cheap & stupid trying to help my daughter." thankfully, the neighbors haven't said anything yEt about her car . . . but i fear it may only be a matter of time before our neighbors ban together to throw us out of this upscale neighborhood for our reckneck money saving ways:(
a piu tardi. . . . . . .